What has America Come to When People Feel Free to so Cavalierly Make Drug Use Accusations Against Candidates for Our Highest Office?

Former Vermont governor and failed presidential candidate Howard Dean suggested that Donald Trump may be a cocaine user in a tweet during the debate. His evidence: Trump had the sniffles.  Proving that he wasn't just making a bad joke, Dean doubled down on the insinuation in an interview with MSNBC.

I don't know when exactly American politics sunk to the point where it's OK to make charges of drug use with just the most microscopic of evidence.  And I have no idea what this new debased discourse means for America and my children's future.

But I do know this: it is wildly irresponsible for decent people to refrain from speculating about Donald Trump's apparent cocaine addiction. So I have no choice but to reluctantly make my stand.

First, a video for context.

Some have said that it can't be a cocaine problem because there's no evidence of trump engaging in sniffing outside of this debate.  Mais au contraire! Go to the 0:48 mark to see primo sniffing.

It's worth recapping Trump's debate performance.  He started off well: focused, energetic, almost charming.  But as time wore on and the effects wore off, the disorganized thinking, irritability, and grandiosity began to show through. Let's face it - he was jones-ing.

I have known a handful of people with personalities similar to Big Orange in my life.  Without exception, they all had raging substance abuse problems.

Also, here is a picture of Trump's doctor:

But here is the most important point: Howard Dean is pugnacious and willing "to go there," but there's nothing in his history to suggest he's a detached-from-reality nut. He's the most loyal of Clinton foot soldiers.  He doubled down on this thing even after enough time had passed for the campaign to tell him to shut his fucking yap. He's not rogue. He's a doctor and I can't imagine him taking on long-range diagnosing cavalierly.

I don't see Dean getting this far out with it on his own and without tacit approval from the campaign.  I don't see the campaign trying to float this if it isn't 100% true. Otherwise it would be a Hail Mary, and they don't need one. Not now anyway.

I think they have something.

Exclusive: Behind the Scenes Footage of Donald Trump's Top Policy Advisor!

WORLD EXCLUSIVE! MUST CREDIT SAUCY ICONOCLAST!

Foreign Policy (Installment Two)

In which Barack Obama again channels Donald Trump:

"You know who hates Barack Obama? Who goes crazy every time they hear the name 'Obama'?

The ISIS people.

They go bananas just thinking about me.  Why? Jealousy.

You go to any town in any country in the world. Find anyone ... A little kid ... An old lady ... Doesn't  matter.  Ask them, 'Who is the president of the United States?"

They won't miss a beat. 'That's easy: Barack Obama.' Bingo!

So then you say, 'You seem like an intelligent person. Can you tell me the name of the President of ISIS?'

'Uh ... Uh ... No, I can't.' They've never heard of him. NO ONE HAS EVER HEARD OF THIS GUY!

The ISIS president could walk down Pennsylvania Avenue, Broadway, you name it and not get arrested. He is a total nobody.

So I don't have a lot of time for ISIS. They're boring and very overrated.

They talk about how great they are. They have a Caliphate. Sounds impressive, right?

This big caliphate is - I looked this up - about as big as Pennsylvania. Maybe to them that's big. To me, not so much.

I also understand it is largely desert and there really isn't much to do there.  It is not a desirable location. I'm not that impressed.

If it were me, I'd be embarrassed to call that a caliphate. But that's just me. Different strokes for different folks.

So go ahead ISIS people, enjoy your so-called caliphate. Knock yourselves out. Just so long as you know that it's puny and a total joke and everybody laughs at it.

But enough about them. I've spent enough time talking about those losers. Even talking this much about them is the greatest thing that has ever happened to them.

I guarantee you that right now they are jumping up and down, screaming 'Obama is talking about us! Obama is talking about us! Can you believe it?"

So I'm gonna stop right here. Bottom line: ISIS is a bunch of poorly groomed losers who live in a hell-hole and have nothing better to do than cut peoples' heads off - which is something by the way that I have a lot of problems with.

Now, everybody's gonna go around saying, 'Obama - why do you have to go around saying such mean things about ISIS?'

I don't care. So what if I hurt their feelings? They started it."

How Obama Should Have Sold the Iran Deal

Using Trump speak:

"You are not going to believe how great this deal is. You're gonna love this deal. It punches Iran's nuclear program right in the face.

To be honest with you, I'm not a big fan of the mullahs. It's ridiculous how they've been playing us for chumps. You know why? Our negotiators are a bunch of losers. So I had to step in and talk turkey with them. I just said, 'I hate to break it to you: you're not building an A-bomb.' They got the message. They're not stupid, those people. Afterwards they thanked me.  They said it was the greatest negotiation they'd ever been around.

Bibi's not happy. That's his problem.  Everyone who knows me knows that I love the Jewish people. Especially the ones who aren't fat losers like Bibi. For the most part they are very hard workers.  I employ a lot of them in my administration. I am the single greatest job creator in the history of the Jewish people.

Actually, the Jewish people are going to go out of their minds when they see this deal. I predict they're gonna be its biggest fans. You cannot believe how much the Jewish people will love this deal. They will go crazy for it."

One of Life's Mysteries

An intense manhunt was underway Thursday for a white gunman who opened fire on Wednesday night at a historic black church in this city’s downtown, killing nine people before fleeing.

At least South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley is on the case:

While we do not yet know all of the details, we do know that we'll never understand what motivates anyone to enter one of our places of worship and take the life of another.

If anyone can figure out what the motivation might be, please let Gov. Haley know.  In the meantime, she'll be honoring the victims by lowering the Confederate flag that flies in front of Secessionland's Statehouse to half mast.

UPDATE: You can't make this stuff up. Here is Rick Santorum's reaction:

Presidential candidate and former Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA) on Thursday called the attack by a white gunman on a historic black church in Charleston, S.C. part of a broader assault on "religious liberty" in America. 

Skeletons in the Closet

When I was ten years old a friend and  I went to a People's drugstore.  I stuck a roll of Tropical Fruit Lifesavers in my pocket, walked out without paying, went home, and ate all of the contents in one sitting.  I have never revealed this shameful episode to anyone until now.

Faithful readers (you know who you are!) may be asking what purpose is to be served by this admission so many years later. Simple.  By coming clean, I eliminate the possibility that my friend, the only witness,  will threaten to reveal my secret unless I come up with $3.5 million in hush money to be paid in $50,000 cash installments.  This is a headache I do not need.

By now, you have probably heard of former Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert's money laundering indictment. From its contents we know that Hastert is accused of violating "banking laws in a bid to pay $3.5 million to an unnamed person to cover up "past misconduct.'"

The indictment also helpfully notes that before his political career, Hastert served as a teacher and a coach in Yorkville, IL. It also informs us that the individual "has been a resident of Yorkville, Illinois and has known defendant John Dennis Hastert most" of his or her life.

PAGING SHERLOCK HOLMES! PAGING SHERLOCK HOLMES! For the life of me, I can't figure out the background story here.

Hastert was a wrestling coach - perhaps it was teaching one of his charges novel ways to conceal a hidden object.

With this news, Hastert now earns the remaining spot on the Mount Rushmore of ethically challenged  GOP House Leadership - joining Bob Livingston, Newt Gingrich, and Tom Delay. He also joins Eliot Spitzer as an example of a political figure who could have profited from a passing familiarity with Paypal.

It's not hard to feel a bit sorry for the guy.  I generally think of extortion as the crime, not so much the paying of blackmail. Hastert also certainly seems more likable than many of his Hill associates, even if his lasting legacy is the Hastert rule currently holding the entire U.S. legislative branch hostage to the lunatic fringe of the Republican party.

In the end, the sympathy route may be his best legal strategy.  When asked by investigators why he was making large cash withdrawals, he cited a lack of faith in the U.S. banking system.  That he would come up with an excuse like that on the fly lends credibility to any plea deal that makes reference to "diminished mental capacity."

Climate Deniers Waiting for their Einstein

Along with George Will, Charles Krauthammer represents what passes for an intellectual among conservative commentators. What this means in practice is that Krauthammer, like Will, dresses up the greedy, base, know-nothing sentiments you regularly hear on right-wing talk radio into more decorous language. 

Same package, different, although more respectable, wrapper.

Like Rush Limbaugh and Glen Beck, these intellectual titans don't have much use for climate science.  Will is a well-known purveyor of bunkum whenever climate change comes up. Krauthammer, perhaps irritated at playing second fiddle, is becoming more outspoken.  Here here is on Fox News giving his take on the recently released National Climate Assessment.

His main takeaway: don't be taken in by all this talk of scientific consensus.

Ninety-nine percent of physicists were convinced that space and time are fixed, until Einstein working in a patent office wrote a paper in which he showed that they are not. I'm not impressed by numbers, I'm not impressed by consensus.

Hear that scientists?  Don't go around trying to pull one over on Charles Krauthammer with all your numbers and agreement.  That doesn't count for jack! There's got to be at least one guy out there somewhere in a clerical job who has it right (i.e. agrees with how Krauthammer believes the world to be). We should be listening to that guy.

Also, I have a perpetual motion machine that I am hoping you will consider investing in.

And lest you think he's simply being a grandstanding blowhard, taking cheap, uninformed shots against scientists, remember Krauthammer has his own scientific training - much more rigorous and intellectually sound than all this climate mumbo-jumbo.

Krauthammer is a psychiatrist.